MattMatteson.com

Hey its me, Matt’s friend (maybe he did not call me last night to hang out when I asked if he would). I read Matt’s post about how he felt after the calc test and well yea that sucks man. My heart goes out to ya. I don’t really have any advice I can offer except find your passion and go with that. But according to Matt my only priority is money. I had a conversation with my dad about the options I would have if I graduated with a Chemical Engineering and Matt has labeled me as a heartless money grabbing freak. I would just like to clarify. I hate labels, and I think that Matt made a judgmental call. I used to be about the money, until I took a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. I realized it would be a waste to use my education and the talents God gave me all for myself. That is not me. I am concerned about my future and do not want to struggle to get by like so many people I know. I want to have financial security and not worry about money. I can live being poor but I have been given the opportunity to have financial security by graduating from this school with a high GPA and I am not going to let it go to waste. My parents are working their asses off to get me through this school and I am not going to let that go to waste. Now back to Dominican Republic. I visited an orphanage there and met a man who had to spend the rest of his life in bed because he broke his leg. He could not get it fixed so now his life is over. God spoke to me there and I realized what I wanted to do with my life. I think I found my purpose and it was quite amazing. Traveling to foreign countries and learning about new cultures is one of my passions. I like excitement and adventure. I am a romantic. I just have this image of living a life as a traveling doctor, going from country to country visiting cultures, helping out people less fortunate to me, living a life different that the constant bore and fluff of America. It’s the motivation to live that fantasy that is getting me through this school and it works. And Matt thinks I want to become a doctor so I can go on skiing trips to Aspen. Money is apart of life and I want to make sure that it does not become a problem.

Good weekend so far. =-)
I think a shower is in order, and was invited to join the rents for a New York Bagel run. Fun stuff!

*back to singing along to random tune*

Hello again.

I’m just sitting in the student center building reflecting on the calculus test. Almost makes me sick. I am considering the result of me failing calculus. Phrased that way, no problem, but then someone was saying if you fail calculus, you become a year behind, as you can’t take physics and such. I like the challenge that Mines is, we’ll sort of. It would be neat if it was just a challenge, but a challenge worth my time is not learning to do calculus without a calculator. Nowhere in my life do I care to have that skill. I spent about 15 hours in the last four days trying to learn this, and I am guessing I will have scribbled red mark on my test, resembling the numbers four and five, percent.

In studying for this test, I because a little better friends with a few people; but question if I hurt any relationships. I have the most bipolar thoughts, I will be both so juvenile and happy with something, or so angered by it. I can admit where I am quite well, but can’t control what puts me into such funks.

I can do what ever I please right now. I want a hug, but that isn’t in the books until I find someone from Littleton days. Not here, not tonight. I was invited to go to a party, well a few of them. That’s not me, I’d rather sit here, alone, then have to worry about others. Tonight I regret being so selfish, guess it shows a few people care. It is hard to be selfish if no one cares.

Tomorrow I will get up, fall behind in Chemistry, fall asleep in Earth Systems. I will get some work done, but never enough. The weekend will refill me enough to get by, but happen so fast I won’t enjoy it.

Am I not driven? The kids here have goals, but I can’t quite agree with them. When I went to dinner with Davey and his family, it seemed that the only thing in the world is money. I was glad I was there, it set a bit in perspective. Lance posted to his weblog he started last night that one of the reasons he wants to bike 470 miles in the forest to spend time with himself and God. As cool as that is, it is not me, not now. If I was to live for God, would I be here? Would passing calculus matter? From yet another view, while studying for tonight’s test a kid seemed to express he was here to get a job. Right now I seem to be getting by with the fire of others. My parents are so amazing and caring. My brother is always there. Friends can make me forget about everything else.

What is my plan? Perhaps a year off would have been the more money sensitive way to figure out this thing called the future. Instead I am here, meeting some amazing people, trying to keep up with life.

The last week has had a few highs, and a few low lows, but I’m doin’ pretty good.

Here’s a picture from our water displacement test on Friday night. =-) Eight people fit easy into the Safari to littleton, Steve joined us, and nine was a stretch for the tub. I had a good time.

Also here is collection of words I put together after/during a low on Sunday morning.

Never looking up, the light of the moon will still shine down.
They day will continue, no matter the weight.
You could be waiting for something that is not there, but what if you don't wait?
When are you at home? 

It was a late morning,
	 a sunday with no obligations.
My mind was cleaned by the shower,
	and the counted hours of sleep.
		I only wish.
Brunch is waiting.
I am waiting.
The fence will stay in front of me,
	 the tunnel I already traveled.
The limits are in place
	can I do that?
Can I be that selfish?
Turn the music up;
	I sound better,
	the breaks stop squeaking.
The best ship
	needs water
	a crew.
Go and get it.
If you take the barbed wire off,
	I might climb the fence.